In relation to the readings the filters I typically rely on to objectively choose a spouse would be physical proximity and interaction cues. Physical proximity is important to me because I don’t take well to long distance relationships. I believe that living within close proximities of friends is also helpful to keep relationships close. Interaction cues are relevant in how I choose a spouse because I would want to have comfortable interactions. According to Trenholm interaction cues determine if conversations will go smooth and comfortable or awkward and difficult (2011). For the most part this filter is important because I don’t want to struggle keeping conversations interesting. I can also tell if I have common interests with someone simply by interactions.
Characteristics in someone I don’t care for are those who like to talk about themselves. I find that people who talk about themselves tend to be uninteresting or disinterested in me. Self centeredness is truly unattractive. As far as eliminating and reconsidering someone based on different filters is something I have experienced. There have been several instances where I didn’t care for someone because a conversation didn’t go well (interaction cues), however getting to know that individual better did I reconsider them as a friend (cognitive cues).
Hey mall7!
ReplyDeleteIt looks like you generally follow the filtering theory. I think all of us use something similar to what Duck presented, but with difference in preferences. I agree with you in that physical proximity has a big impact on successes and failure in a relationship and that interaction cues are important in choosing to be in a relationship. I too have been in situations where I didn't care for someone from the initially, but after getting to know them better, I reconsidered. I believe that initial impressions have significantly big impact in associating with someone but sometimes those initial views are not correct impressions. This situation can occur negatively and positively, for example, someone can be really awesome at first and deemed incompatible after interaction and cognitive cues occur.
-Rob
I agree with the majority of what you said in this post! I am also not a fan of long distance relationships. Proximity is definitely important not only in romantic but also in platonic relationships, especially because many romantic relationships start with friendships. I think that when it comes to filtering, we can either look past the things we don’t like about someone because their good characteristics are so prevalent, or decide that we can’t put up with it anymore. I feel this way not only about romantic relationships but friendships as well. I think many people can act differently based on who they are around—most people are more open and themselves around people they know well vs. strangers.
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